To be the best leader you can be, you need to be able to create space for others to share their fullest expression.
In order for others to feel safe to do that, they have to be met with compassion, acceptance, and curiosity. There has to be space to explore – and gently shift – the systemic belief systems operating below conscious awareness that hold you, them, and the team back.
Like you, they grew up in a world that told them it wasn’t safe to be fully expressed. That they had to follow the rules, go to school, get good grades, work hard, raise their hand, wait in line, etc. They were told that imagination is for kids. They were told to check the boxes and go through the motions, making safe choices to ensure financial stability.
They were told that their natural gifts, talents, and creativity are great hobbies. But to make money, they need to go get a degree or certification and devote their time to their studies. They had to prove and earn their worth.
Creativity was squashed and replaced with conformity. And it’s worked for them to get them where they are, just like it’s worked for you. No one’s to blame. This isn’t about bad parenting, mean teachers, or misguided guidance counselors. This is about generational and ancestral momentum perpetuated through our nervous systems.
Some of our ancestors navigated growing populations, advancing technologies, and devastating events like the Bubonic Plague from a place of fear, scarcity, competition, and control. This led to slavery, colonialism, oppressive patriarchal systems, feudalism, and capitalism that pitted humans against each other and identified some as more valuable than others.
It does no one any good to ignore this history. It also does no one any good to judge it. Or to judge each other for the ways we perpetuate it. To call each other out, yes. To draw strong boundaries, yes. But to do so with compassion and curiosity instead of anger.
Collective shifts don’t happen overnight. There wasn’t a moment in time that was the “start point” of capitalism or slavery or colonialism. They happened gradually. And so too will what happens next, one compassionate moment at a time.
Before our European ancestors were colonizing and enslaving Africa and America, they were enslaving fellow Europeans. Many indigenous traditions in Europe were seen as primitive and were squashed. And, here in the West, the Indigenous tribes of North America were also fighting and conquering each other.
It’s a collective, systemic pattern that is deeply rooted in the unconscious mind. It’s a collective belief system that is so easy to perpetuate without even realizing it. We’re all swimming in it. We were all born into it.
And that’s why it’s so important to be willing to face it. To be willing to hear the inner voice that says, “I’m not perpetuating any of that. I’m one of the good ones. I hear everybody’s voice equally. I don’t have any blind spots.” and to meet that voice with love while simultaneously not buying it’s story. You are in a blind spot. I am in a blind spot. We all are. This is millennia of systemic patterns conditioned into our nervous systems. It’s nothing to fight about. Or get angry about. Or blame each other about. That will only strengthen the pattern.
Compassion. Curiosity. Space to explore.
And this starts with you as an individual by bringing gentle awareness to the patterns you unknowingly suppress yourself with:
Through negative self-talk. Through patterns of sacrificing health to hit deadlines. Through urgency and overwhelm. Through procrastination. Through avoidance of emotions and uncomfortable feelings. Through trying to control outcomes and avoid the unknown. Through accumulation of wealth as a means to prove worth and to feel safe. Through competition that unknowingly hurts others. Through expectations on others to behave in a certain way. Through defensiveness.
These are not “bad” patterns that need to be addressed and fixed. No.
These are patterns you developed to keep yourself safe and to help you survive and thrive. And, while some of them got you to where you are, they won’t get you to where you want to go.
Times are changing yet again. We’re entering the Age of AI. In order to set yourself apart as a leader, team, business, or organization, you’re going to need to allow your – and your team’s unique expression to emerge yet again. You’ll need to create space for the unique creativity and innovation that can only emerge at the intersection of all the diverse choices, voices, cultures, and perspectives on your team. For each voice to feel safe to emerge and express once again.
And to do that, you’ll first need to bring gentle awareness to the learned patterns that block it, removing resistance before action.
When a pattern is given space to breathe without acting on or reacting to, that signals to the nervous system that the pattern is no longer needed for protection.
When you do this consistently, the pattern shifts. This can be built into meetings, conversations, and work habits.
Yet, it starts with you. If you can’t create a safe space for all of your inner voices to have a say, what chance do you have with the voices of those around you? For example…
As change is becoming more and more rapid, how are you treating the part of you that learned to control conditions?
As more and more skills are being taken over by technology, how are you treating the part of you that proved their worth with those skills.
As “getting more done” is being replaced by “being the most innovative” as the differentiator of success, how are you treating the part of you that learned to earn their worth through long hours and lots of production?
How are you treating the part of you that is scared to fully express their uniqueness?
Are you getting mad at yourself? Do you tell yourself you should be doing better. Do you get frustrated when you make the same “mistakes” over and over again?
Or do you take a deep breath and create space for the emotions and sensations of these nervous system patterns/reactions so they can shift?
Each of these “parts” is a neural network devoted to a particular task (just like you have a neural network devoted to driving a car). These are neural networks you created to protect yourself during challenging times that, over many years of repetition became automatic and unconscious (like driving a car).
You can’t force these “parts” of you to change their behavior. You can, however, bring awareness to them. And bring acceptance to them. And, in doing so, create space for your nervous system to realize those patterns are no longer helpful. And in that space, you have a chance to choose newly. To stay poised in the unknown. To allow your unique creativity, innovation, expression, and voice to emerge once again.
Once you’re able to do that, then it’s embodied. Then you can do the same for your team.
So are you leading yourself? Because that’s the kind of leader we need right now.
The leaders that will thrive in the constant and rapid change of the Age of AI are those that can navigate the unknown with confidence, by following your inner compass, and help their teams do the same.
This report gives you a map to how to listen to the wisdom of your body, to the 100,000,000 neurons of your gut and 40,000 neurons of your heart.
The Phoenix System is designed to help you bring awareness to unconscious leadership patterns left over from the Industrial and Information Ages. They block true innovation and creativity that can emerge when staying poised instead of reacting to fears and the whims of your mind.